Ask for Help! You are NOT an Island

Let’s be honest, asking for help is not for the weak it is actually a strength to be able to let go of your pride & ego to ask for help.

It’s for the strong, the mature, and the people who are tired of suffering in silence while pretending everything is “fine.”

Because why is it that you can carry the whole world on your head, but the moment you need support, you suddenly become shy?

Suddenly you are quick to say: “No, I’m okay.” or “I’ll figure it out." or “God will help me.”

Truth is that God will help you and come through but He’s also looking at you like:

“My child, I created community for a reason. Abeg Relax.”

If you’re like me, you’ve probably spent a good part of your life trying to be the strong one. The dependable one. Or the one that always has it together.

But the truth is you can’t be the solution for everybody and still expect to be okay.

At some point, you have to learn how to ask for help.

Not because you’re weak. But because you’re human.

And God never designed you to do life alone.

Kill the “Strong Friend” Syndrome

Let me start with this: being strong is not a bad thing.

But some of us have turned “strength” into a personality trait. Like it’s a full-time job.

You lack the ability to ask for help because you don’t want to look needy.

Or to disturb anyone. You are so obsessed with not feeling like a burden or don’t want to be disappointed. So you keep the smile, keep showing up and keep acting like you’re okay.

Meanwhile inside, you are one minor inconvenience away from breaking down.

One more “good morning” text away from crying.

One more bill away from screaming into a pillow.

One more “how are you?” away from saying “do you really want the truth?”

And the crazy part is… the people who always help others are usually the ones who struggle the most to receive help.

Ask for Help! You no go Die!

Let me tell you what literally just happened that made me sit down and reflect.

No be say I don too learn, but I am getting better

I was stuck trying to figure out how many bags I was entitled to for my trip. You know that stressful moment where you’re reading airline policies like you’re studying for an exam you didn’t register for? I mean on Virgin Atlantic, I was certain how many bags I get but since we were using a partner airline, I wasn't certain

I was checking the ticket.

Checking the airline website.

Checking the app.

Even checking vibes 😭

Because at some point, it stopped being “let me confirm luggage allowance” and started becoming “I refuse to be embarrassed at the airport today.”

That stuff stressed me out. Not because it was the end of the world, but because I just needed to be sure. I didn’t want to get to the airport and start doing surprise calculations because of bags like it’s a math competition.

It took me a while trying to figure it out all by myself that I got tired and quit all together.

On getting to the airport, I started talking to my friend who works at the airport and explained the whole situation to her, and she goes: “You could have asked me.”

And I just paused. Because the truth is… I actually have a friend who works at the airport.

Like a real person. With real access to real life information.

Not Google guesses and airline policy grammar.

She could have made inquiries on my behalf in minutes.

But do you know what’s wild?

It never even occurred to me to ask.

Not even once.

And that’s when it hit me: this is exactly how I’ve been living.

Not because I don’t have people. Not because help isn’t available.

But because my mind doesn’t naturally go there.

My default setting is: “I’ll figure it out.” or “I’ll manage.” or “I’ll sort it out myself.”

Even when I’m stressed or overwhelmed.

In moments when I deeply need support, I don’t even think to ask.

And if I’m being honest, this is something I’ve struggled with for the longest time.

It’s like I’ve trained myself to be the solution… but I never learned how to be supported.

And the small jabs I gave myself in that moment were:

• So you have a whole airport insider, and you’re suffering like a stranger? 😭

• You’re doing independent woman Olympics again, congratulations 🏆

• You’re out here fighting baggage allowance when you could have just sent one text 🤦🏽‍♀️

  
  

Jokes aside sha, it made me realize something deeper.

Sometimes, the issue isn’t that we don’t have help. The issue is that we’ve been in survival mode for so long, that we don’t even remember we’re allowed to ask.

We’ve gotten so used to carrying everything alone and being “strong.

Yes, being capable is good but being supported is better but you were not created to walk alone. Now to you, the airport bag situation may seem small, but it exposed a bigger pattern in me: Even when help is right there, I still default to struggle.

And I don’t want to live like that anymore.

God Never Designed You to Carry Everything Alone

There is a reason the Bible keeps emphasizing unity, support, and community.

Because life is heavy.And it gets heavier when you carry it alone.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV) says:“ Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Which means: if you fall and you’re alone, there will be no one to catch you; I don’t know about you, that is not a good sight to see.

Asking for Help is Wisdom, Not Weakness

One thing I had to learn is this: asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re learning. Proverbs 15:22 (NIV) says “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” So if your life keeps “failing” in certain areas, maybe it’s not a spiritual attack. Maybe it’s because you’re trying to do everything with zero support and maximum pride.

Because how are you fighting for your life and refusing help at the same time?

Make it make sense.

Pride Will Have You Struggling in Silence Like It’s a Competition

Some of us don’t ask for help because we’re proud. Yes. I said it.

We call it “I don’t like to bother people.”But it’s pride.

We call it “I’m independent.”But it’s pride.

We call it “I don’t trust anyone.”But it’s fear and pride holding hands.

Proverbs 16:18 (NIV) says:“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

And honestly? Pride is a wicked thing.

It will let you drown quietly just so you can still look composed.

You’ll be tired, overwhelmed, anxious and burnt out.

But still posting “God is good” with a cute selfie.

And yes, God is good… but you are not okay.

God Often Answers Prayers Through People

This part is so important.

Sometimes, you’re praying for a breakthrough, and God is like “I already sent the help na you just refused to open your mouth.”

Because God can send people to support you. But He won’t force you to receive it.

Galatians 6:2 (NIV) says “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” So if God expects people to carry burdens together, why are you acting like you have to carry everything by yourself?

You’re praying, but you’re also ghosting the help.

God: “I sent a friend.”

You: “No, I’ll figure it out.”

God: “I sent a mentor.”

You: “I don’t want to disturb them.”

God: “I sent a therapist”

You: “No, I’ll just sleep and pray.”

Yes, sleep and pray… but also get help.

Not Every Help is Financial. Sometimes You Need Emotional Help.

Let’s clear something up.

Asking for help is not always “send me money.”Sometimes help is:

• “Please can you pray for me?”

• “Can you check on me?”

• “Can I talk to you?”

• “Can you help me decide?”

• “Can you just sit with me?”

• “Can you hold me accountable?”

• “Can you recommend someone?”

• “Can you teach me?”

Sometimes, you don’t need a miracle, you need support and someone to listen.

Psalm 34:18 (NIV) says “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God is close. But He can also use people to comfort you.

That’s why community matters.

Be Discerning

Now let me add this small warning because some people are not safe.

Not everybody deserves access to your heart. Not everybody deserves the full story.

Some people don’t want to help you, they want to gossip about you.

Some people don’t want to support you, they want to feel superior.

So yes, ask for help… but ask the right people.

Proverbs 13:20 (NIV) says “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” If you ask the wrong person for help, you’ll leave the conversation more drained than you came.

So choose wisely.

Asking for Help is a Sign of Growth

Because maturity is realizing you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

You don’t have to pretend, you don’t have to struggle in silence, you don’t have to be the strong one every single time.

Sometimes, you need to be the supported one, the one to be held, loved and the person that gets carried for once.

And God is not angry at you for needing help.

In fact, 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” God’s strength shines when you admit you need Him.

And sometimes… admitting you need Him looks like admitting you need people too.

You Don’t Have to Be Strong All the Time

This is your reminder that you’re allowed to need help.

You’re allowed to rest, you're allowed to ask.

And if nobody has told you recently: You don’t have to do life alone.

God sees you, He loves you and He is not asking you to carry what He never assigned you to carry alone.

So yes, pray.

But also speak up. Call someone.

Ask for help.