Deola's Diary

I didn't realize I was a people pleaser for a long time. I just thought I was kind. I thought saying yes all the time meant I had a good heart. I believed putting everyone else's needs before my own was what love looked like. I convinced myself that avoiding conflict made me mature and that keeping the peace was always the right thing to do. But over time, I noticed something. The more I tried to make everyone else comfortable, the more uncomfortable I became. I was exhausted

There are seasons when waiting doesn't feel peaceful. It doesn't feel like trust. It doesn't feel holy. It doesn't even feel hopeful. It feels like punishment. It feels like everyone else is moving while you're standing still, watching life happen through a window you can't open. I've lived in that place. Not for a few weeks. Not even for a few months. For years. So trust me when I say I KNOW THE FEELING I've waited for prayers that felt like they echoed back to me. I've watc

There was a time in my life when I believed someone had to tell me I was ready. I waited for someone to notice my potential. I waited for someone to validate my ideas. I waited for someone to choose me before I chose myself. I thought confidence came after approval. I thought purpose started when someone handed me an opportunity. I thought my voice only mattered if enough people agreed with it. So I waited. I waited to write. I waited to speak. I waited to lead. I waited to s

I don't think we wake up one day and decide to hide. I think it happens slowly. A comment here. A disappointment there. A rejection you never really recovered from. A room that made you feel like you were too much. Another that made you feel like you would never be enough. Without even realizing it, you begin to edit yourself. You stop speaking as freely because your opinions were once dismissed. You stop dreaming out loud because someone laughed the last time you did. You st

Have you ever wanted something so badly, prayed about it, prepared for it, and imagined how wonderful it would be, only to be met with a "no"? Maybe it was a relationship that didn't work out. A job you didn't get. A friendship that changed. An opportunity that slipped through your fingers. Or perhaps you simply weren't chosen. Rejection hurts. There is no point pretending that it does not. But while rejection is painful, it does not have to define you. Rejection is the exper

When waiting becomes so heavy that you start to question everything you have ever believed in, even your mere existence. Then you need to pause and give yourself a break so that you do not break. Waiting is a very difficult thing to explain to people who have never truly experienced it. Because from the outside, it can look like nothing is happening. But internally, waiting can feel like carrying an entire life inside your chest with nowhere to place it. That feeling of wakin

My love, How are you doing today? I may not know where you are right now, but I feel you closer than I’ve ever felt anyone. Your presence lingers quietly in my heart , like a promise that love still exists in its purest form. Sometimes I smile just thinking about you, and though we might have not met, your essence feels familiar… like a home I haven’t yet arrived at. I have waited a long time for this; to feel peace in love, to smile without fear, to believe that joy can be g

I used to think love should be loud. With signs. With urgency. With something dramatic enough to convince me it was real. But God had other plans. The love He introduced into my life did not shout. It whispered. And somehow, that whisper carried more weight than all the noise I had known before. “God is in the wind, the earthquake, or the fire, but He is also in the still small voice.” And that is exactly how this love showed up. Quiet. Steady. Sure. It didn’t arrive trying

There comes a point in life when you realize that not everything you inherited was meant to be kept. Sometimes, these things are taught from the place of love; while others were taught and shown in fear and with fear. It could even be because nobody stopped long enough to ask, “Is this actually true?” And that’s how cycles are born. We are taught things so early that they feel like facts. “This is how it has always been.” “This is just how life works.” “This is how women surv

Let’s talk about long flights. I recently took a direct flight that lasted over 12 hours, and honestly… it was one of those trips that reminds you how important comfort is especially when you’re stuck in the sky for half a day. I went in hopeful. I mean, it was a direct flight, so I thought, “Okay, at least I won’t have to deal with connections and stress.” But from the moment I got to my seat, I already knew I was about to be tested. My Seat Partner and the Beginning of Waha

Hey Future husband, I hope that when you read these letters, you see how much I anticipated your arrival and I hope you smile. Writing these letters is like a therapeutic experience for me and I hope you love each of these letters as much as I loved writing them. When I think of you especially in recent times; I see a man who looks at me like I am his first baby but also like the love of his life. I see a man that makes me smile without even trying, I see a man that loves my

Let’s be honest, asking for help is not for the weak it is actually a strength to be able to let go of your pride & ego to ask for help. It’s for the strong, the mature, and the people who are tired of suffering in silence while pretending everything is “fine.” Because why is it that you can carry the whole world on your head, but the moment you need support, you suddenly become shy? Suddenly you are quick to say: “No, I’m okay.” or “I’ll figure it out." or “God will help me.

Happy New Year, beautiful one. Welcome to a fresh year, a fresh breath, and a fresh invitation from God to live differently. Not louder Just bolder . Not busier Just more intentional . Not perfect Just fearless enough to try again . This year, you are not entering with anxiety. You are entering with alignment. Because you didn’t survive all you survived to spend another year shrinking. This Year, We Are Choosing Bold Bold doesn’t always mean dramatic. Bold can look like: Star

There are no perfect words for this, but let me see if I can try. You feel like a paradox; someone I’ve never truly known, yet somehow my soul recognizes you without hesitation. It’s really strange how I can look at you and feel a sense of belonging, even though I’m still learning who you are. You are both a mystery and a memory, both unknown and unforgettable. You feel like someone I’ve known forever, and yet when I look closely, you’re still a mystery. You’re a stranger in

In the story of my life, I could list all the achievements I’ve gathered up to this point. And honestly? Not to blow my own horn, I can definitely say that I’ve done well for myself. Still I find myself wondering; where are you? What are you doing right now? What are your likes and dislikes? Your hobbies? Your turn-ons and turn-offs? You’re the part of me that’s still missing. The piece that completes the puzzle. So come be who you were created to be. My husband. My friend.

There are days when the weight of the world feels like it’s sitting on your chest. Yeah… I know those days. The kind where everything feels like a little too much, even things that normally wouldn’t bother you. Like you're carrying invisible weights on your shoulders and no one can really see it. It ’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel. Some days, surviving is more than enough. You don’t have to have it all figured out today. Just breathe. One breath at a time. I feel that pain

This morning, I woke up thinking about how sweet it will be when we finally meet. Or maybe we’ve already crossed paths and you’re just taking your time. How much longer do you need to step up your game? Are you missing me as much as I am missing you? Do you long for me the way I long for you? I’m starting to wonder if you’re as feeling all the emotions as I am because at this point, I’m over the waiting. The lonely and cold nights, the unending thoughts of you, of us. The yea

Sometimes I feel like people have an opinion about why I don’t have a man, as if I’m supposed to just "find" one somewhere, like it's as easy as going to the store or holding an audition. Sigh It’s like I’m meant to check off a list and voilà, the perfect guy will appear. But here's the truth: yes, I want to get married. Yes, I don’t want to be on this journey alone. But I also need the right man. I’m not searching for the perfect man with six-pack abs, a six-figure salary,

For a few days, weeks or maybe even months, there has been this relentless unrest in my mind. I come out looking well put together and all excited but deep down, there was a waging war of deep uncertainty and fear. I laid in bed most nights unsure of what the next day would be like; it was even hard to pray. I would say a few words of prayers thanking God for waking me up and committing the day to Him but that was all I could do. And in the midst of all these; I still had to

Do you believe that there is no limit on your life except the one you have placed in your mind? You can’t step into what you’re too afraid to imagine. God didn’t create you to just survive. He called you to see , to believe , and to move . You will only go as far as your vision can stretch. Not your age, not your background, not your location, not your bank account; your vision . I hope you know that God is not limited by your circumstances or the situations around you. The l